Great Expectations...or not.

Hmmmmmmmmm.

Seems like my last post has sparked some sort of...interest? Conflict? Confusion? Let me explain myself.

Of course, I don't really have 'great expectations' of my future boyfriend. More accurately, I have almost no expectations at all which I've come to realize may be on the other extreme. As in "aaaanyone will do for me".... obviously that's no good either, right?

Let me put it in another way.

What do you think will make your future relationship work? (Focusing on qualities your partner has)

Even the very basic stuff like genuine love are a valid answer. Because everyone's definition of love is a little different, and you can't take love for granted. No, really you can't. What does love mean to each of us, really? How much attention? How much selflessness? How much care? I knew a man whose definition of his love for people (and how he shows it) was very different from what his definition of how people should love him.

Spoken or unspoken, expectations of love exist.

In fact, I'm trying to think through all the very basic things that make a relationship work, from the perspective of what qualities I want to build in myself as well as see in my future partner to be.



"Now, I return to this young fellow. And the communication I have got to make is, that he has great expectations." - Great Expectations, Charles Dickens


The typical gay man in Malaysia starts dating other men much later than straight couples (failed experiments with girls don't count, sorry!). Often when we first become financially independent. At that point, the issue of sex has already entered the equation. Where as people who date during their teens (who have obediently staved off sex) have to concentrate a lot more on the person rather than how good the sex was.

I mean, how often do you hear teenagers say that sex is the most important factor of a relationship?

I believe I've made this point before; typically gay men have less experience in relationships. I'm no exception - right now I'm trying to figure how to differentiate people I should pass on and those I should keep?

"Aaaaaaaaanyone will do for me" isn't a good approach, okay?

Let's not over-romanticize; not everyone is a good match for each other. It may be a good idea to recognize who we are, who would like to be with us and who we would like to be with.